This is super fucking personal so scroll past if you know you just gonna get annoyed or some shit and I can’t do read more cus I’m on mobile
Seems like I’m just a petty girl feelin sorry for myself cus I got left three weeks ago and cus of my social situation. But fuck no those are the least of my problems right now, yeah I’m still crying consistently but not about that shit. There’s so much more goin on and I ain’t crying cus I’m sad for myself. I’m crying cus everything’s so fucked up, cus I see those two beautiful people who deserve so much happiness falling apart. When you’re a kid, and I guess throughout your life too, your parents are supposed to be the strong ones, the ones you go to for help or at least always know are steady streams in your chaotic life. But there’s so much pressure these days, both depending on me to relay info, to be a confidant, ma is suffering cus of family tragedy that happened two yrs ago, daddy suffering cus his current situations fucked up in so many ways.
From the outside looks like we got it all lol. Other than the divorce, both parents makin good money. Got two smart daughters headed for bright futures. But shit money ain’t all it seems. Idk if y’all understand but seeing your parents so damn unhappy hurts like a bitch. And the fact that they both recently started talking to me a lot about their problems makes me wanna scream because that means they’ve been holding in shit my whole life, tried to protect me and the baby sis from their own pain and shit. But I guess I seem more mature and older and shit and once they saw I was goin thru hell cus of Justin it also served as an opening for them to open up to me. And I know neither one of them is telling me the whole truth, STILL. And I don’t even know if I wanna know everything
Don’t get me wrong I love them. I feel honored that they finally feel I’m old enough to start treating me like a friend and not just their baby girl. But damn this shit is so damn hard it’s the shit that eats away at me day and night cus idk what I can do to help them other than just give them all the moral support. And when both of them tell me they’re so thankful for my support, shit makes me wanna cry too…cus who else does either one have except their first kid? And I wanna protect my baby sis from everything too and I don’t know how to do that all the time
Shit I don’t even know. There’s so much bullshit I’ve been exposed to in just a matter of weeks lol and I’m not so sure if I’d rather have this to deal with over a really fucking messy breakup. Lucky me I got both at the same time lol
But damn I’m still alive and breathing and smiling moment to moment, still getting excited about shit like getting my hair did, like eating sushi…makes me realize to live this life I gotta be strong as a motherfucker and idc if that means blogging about my personal shit online or going to a therapist or crying alone at night if I’m there for my fam and for myself then I’m the winner at the end of every damn day
Yeah yeah y’all thought I was a shallow bitch which u know what I really am but look u got a taste of my tragic backstory, ENJOI!! Ima keep smiling pretty and scaring boys peace